


'Til What I Want and What I Need Can Finally be the Same

by SinceWhenDoIWriteFanFic



Category: Glee
Genre: Age Difference, Inexperience, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-02
Updated: 2013-06-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 17:40:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/827011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinceWhenDoIWriteFanFic/pseuds/SinceWhenDoIWriteFanFic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em> Kurt wants to have sex, he does, he just wants to feel comfortable doing it. Sex is supposed to feel good, isn’t it? Every time he gets close to falling into bed with someone, an overwhelming sense of fear and discomfort settle over him and it just doesn’t seem worth it just for an orgasm. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kurt looks for an older man to teach him about and ease him into sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The bar is nicer than Kurt is used to; it’s well lit, the music is loud enough to be heard without discouraging conversation, the counter is wiped clean. Kurt drinks from his glass, accepting the reality of yet another failed date.   
“Excuse me,” comes a voice from behind him. “Is this seat taken?”

_“Fucking tease,” his date hisses angrily before storming out. Kurt takes in a shaky breath, fighting back tears. He wants to have sex, he does, he just wants to feel comfortable doing it. Sex is supposed to feel good, isn’t it? Every time he gets close to falling into bed with someone, an overwhelming sense of fear and discomfort settle over him and it just doesn’t seem worth it just for an orgasm.  
It’s an offhand comment a girl in his dance workshop makes that really gets him thinking about it; he’d hadn’t ever thought about dating someone older before, but the more he does think about it, the more appealing the idea sounds. He imagines reassuring hands on his hips, a confident voice whispering praise into his ear. Kurt wants to be taught, and maybe the best way to learn is from someone who knows what they’re doing. _

 

Kurt shakes his head.   
The man smiles at him as he slides onto the empty stool. “Blaine Anderson,” he offers, holding out a hand. Kurt offers his own name in return. “Can I buy you a drink, Kurt?” Blaine asks. “Come on, what’s your poison?”  
“A water would be great,” Kurt says. At the man’s surprised expression he adds, “Can’t legally drink yet.”  
After the bartender has set their drinks in front of them, Blaine turns to him. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing alone in a place like this?”   
“I, uh, had a date.”  
“I do hope I’m not interrupting,” Blaine tells him nonchalantly.  
Kurt shakes his head. “No, you’re not interrupting.”  
“I’d never had this place pegged as a date spot for people your age.”  
“He was older. He also had a wife,” Kurt tells him, not having the patience to play games.   
“Oh,” is all the man has to say. Kurt watches as he drains his whiskey. “How would you like to join me for dinner?”  
“Excuse me?”  
Blaine smiles at him. “I was planning on throwing something together for myself at home, but dinner out with a gorgeous stranger, such as yourself, seems like a much better option.”  
Kurt opens his mouth, ready to turn down the offer. But then…”Sure.”

_He doesn’t know why he keeps bothering with this, the clubs and the guys that only want a quick fuck in the bathroom. Kurt has no interest in spending five minutes on his knees in front of a complete stranger. He wants someone to hang out with, someone who wants to kiss him, who’s willing to take things as Kurt is ready to offer them.  
It’s surprisingly easy to find a website once he starts looking for one. He puts enough information on his profile to attract some interest, but not so much that if someone he knew found it, he’d be embarrassed. With only a brief moment of hesitation, he increases the age in the “looking for” section and logs out before he lets he convinces himself to just delete the account. After he finishes his dinner, Kurt allows himself to log back in, eyes opening wide in surprise at the number of messages already in his inbox. Taking a steadying breath, Kurt clicks onto the first one. _

“Was it a blind date?” Blaine asks as they wait for their dishes to arrive. The restaurant is small, classy, dimly lit with a tasteful décor; it’s the kind of place Kurt had once imagined himself being taken to on dates.   
“Pardon?”  
“Was it a blind date?” he repeats. “I’m curious as to whether or not you often knowingly agree to dates with older men.”  
Kurt takes a small swallow of his wine (“Nobody will bother you here if you want to have a glass or two,” Blaine had assured him). “Oh?”   
Blaine grins at him wryly. “I usually like to know the odds before I try my luck.”  
A small spark of something flares at the base of Kurt’s spine. “Why?” he teases, feeling relaxed and flushed from his wine. “Isn’t this a date?”  
“It could be,” Blaine replies earnestly. “If you wanted it to be.”  
The waitress returns before Kurt has a chance to respond, which is just as well; Kurt isn’t entirely sure what to make of the evening.   
The conversation turns to more standard topics as they eat: where Kurt goes to school and what he’s studying, the company Blaine works for, their hobbies. By the time they start dessert (Blaine had insisted on them splitting a piece of cake), Kurt feels more comfortable than he has on most of the dates he’s been on in the past few months.  
“It was supposed to be a first date,” he confesses, eyes trained down on the table.   
“Ah,” Blaine says noncommittally. When Kurt looks up to meet his gaze, he continues, “So you’re not particularly invested in him, are you?”  
A smile tugs at the corners of Kurt’s mouth. “Not particularly, no.”  
Blaine smiles widely at him before setting his fork down and motioning for the waitress to bring the check. 

“You said this could be a date?” Kurt inquires as they leave the restaurant.   
“If you wanted.”  
“What if I said that I did want it to be?”  
“I’d say that it’s not a date unless it ends with a kiss,” Blaine says.  
Blaine is solid and warm against him, and if Kurt just tilted his head forward the tiniest bit, he could close the short distance between their mouths. “I don’t kiss on the first date,” Kurt tells him, instead.   
“What about on the second date?” comes Blaine’s response and Kurt’s already drawing in a shaky breath to answer before he notices the teasing gleam in the man’s eyes.   
He thanks him for dinner and starts to pull away before Blaine stops him with a gentle hand on the crook of his elbow.   
“How do you feel about the Philharmonic?” Blaine asks him. At Kurt’s confused expression, he explains, “I have tickets for a performance this Saturday and I thought that perhaps you’d like to join me.”  
“Why?”  
“Because you seem like you might appreciate the music, and I think I might appreciate your company,” Blaine tells him simply. Kurt opens his mouth to say something else, but Blaine cuts him off. “And if you don’t kiss until the third or seventh date or whatever, I have a long list of places that I think I’d like to take you.”  
Part of him wants to say yes, wants to accept the offer, but another part of him, a stronger part, reminds him that it’s better to take things in steps. Blaine must sense his hesitation. “Here, let me give you my card. Think about it, and if you decide you want to join me, give me a call,” he offers, holding out a business card. Kurt runs his fingers over the slightly raised letters on the cardstock as he watches Blaine walk away. As he traces of the a in Anderson, Blaine turns back to him.   
“And Kurt? I mean it. Regardless of whether you want to kiss me on a second date or any date, or even if you want them to be dates, I’d still be overjoyed if you wanted to come.”  
Kurt slides the card into his coat pocket as he watches Blaine disappear into the night. 

_Kurt takes several deep breaths, trying to quell the ball of fear growing in his stomach, as he takes in the apartment around him. He can hear the guy –Frank, he reminds himself, moving about in the kitchen, making them drinks. It’s not like he’s done this a lot, this meeting guys off of that website he’d registered on, not yet at least; but he’s never agreed to have a first meeting at someone’s home, instead sticking with more public places. He’s never had to worry about a second date with anyone._  
“Here you go,” Frank declares, handing Kurt a clear glass filled with a murky liquid and settling down too close to Kurt on the couch.   
Kurt thanks him quietly. Not sure what he’s supposed to do next, he drinks from the glass, wincing at the sting of the alcohol as he swallows it down. Frank lays a hand on Kurt’s thigh, the heat radiating from his palm too uncomfortable even through the thick fabric of Kurt’s pants.   
“Why don’t we move this to the bedroom?” Frank whispers into his ears, his fingers inching upwards. Kurt’s mouth is suddenly too dry, his tongue heavy with fear.   
“I…I’m not ready for that,” he manages to stutter out. Franks fingers tug at the button on his jeans and Kurt feels the overwhelming desire to cry or scream.  
“You’ll like it, baby. Let daddy take care of you,” Frank tries to calm him.   
“No,” Kurt protests, shoving his hands away. “I…I’ve never, I want to take things slow. I need to. “  
The man scoffs at him. “The innocent thing can be hot, but just stop talking and let me fuck you,” he sneers, moving in to kiss him.   
Kurt dodges him mouth and pushes himself up. “Sorry,” he breathes out, his mind shouting at him to get out, to get far away as quickly as possible. “I don’t think this is going to work.”  
“Hey kid,” an angry voice calls after him. “Nobody has time to put up with your games. Learn to live a little bit!” 

Blaine is smart and funny, and Kurt finds himself genuinely enjoying the man’s company when they go out. He’d been nervous when he first called Blaine to accept the invitation, so nervous that he’d stumbled over his words during their brief conversation, but he’s so glad that he does.   
The evenings they share are filled with little touches, a gentle hand on the small of Kurt’s back as Blaine guides him inside a building, a palm softly on Kurt’s knee as Blaine leans into tell him something. Sometimes, Blaine will pull Kurt’s hand up to his mouth and press a kiss to the back of it, making Kurt laugh and his cheek flush red. But Blaine never tries to kiss him, doesn’t even mention it.   
It’s not until their sixth date that he lets Blaine kiss him, or, rather that he kisses Blaine himself. They’re standing on the sidewalk outside of a sushi place that Blaine had insisted Kurt needed to try, and Kurt winds his scarf around his neck as he listens to Blaine describe an Italian place in SoHo that he wants to take Kurt to soon.   
“Hey,” Blaine says softly, his hands resting on Kurt’s hips. “It’s really chilly out, let me get you a cab, okay?” The concern in his voice makes Kurt feel warm inside, and before he can stop it, he winds his arms around Blaine’s neck and presses his lips firmly against Blaine’s.   
Kurt’s heart beats fast as Blaine kisses him back, one hand sliding up Kurt’s back and pressing him closer and the other moving to cup Kurt’s cheek. His lips are smooth as the move against Kurt’s, and when he finally pulls away, Kurt has to fight the urge to follow his mouth, to press their lips together again. Blaine rests his forehead against Kurt’s, smiling.   
They stand there for a moment before they get jostled by someone rushing past. Blaine pulls away, hailing a cab. When the car pulls up, Blaine ushers Kurt inside before prompting him to give the driver his address and handing over a small wad of bills.   
“Call me,” Blaine instructs Kurt gently, dropping a kiss onto his forehead before pulling away and shutting the door. 

“Does it make me seem really desperate? Calling you not even two hours after I last saw you?” Kurt muses to Blaine over the phone later that night, after he’s turned out the lights and has tucked himself underneath his blankets.   
“Would it make you feel better if I told you I called and made reservations for that Italian place I was telling you about for tomorrow night right after your cab pulled away?” Blaine counters. “Dinner tomorrow night?”   
Kurt lets out a happy laugh, burrowing even further into his bed. “You mean tonight? It’s already midnight,” he asks, trying to muffle a yawn.   
“Well, to be painfully honest, I’d be pleased with both.”  
“Is that so?” Kurt teases, yawning once more.   
“You should get some sleep,” Blaine says softly. “I’ll send you details about dinner?”  
“Okay,” Kurt agrees. “Goodnight, Blaine.”   
“Goodnight.”

The next night, Blaine’s waiting for him on the corner down the street from the restaurant. Kurt notices him before Blaine spots him, taking the chance to observe him, the relaxed stance, the slightly content look on his face. But then Blaine sees him, and a smile blooms across his face as he takes quick steps toward him.   
Kurt starts to greet him, but the words catch in his throat as Blaine leans in and kisses him softly.   
“Hey,” he says when Blaine pulls away, breathless from the kiss and the way Blaine’s looking at him.   
“Hey,” Blaine echoes, pressing another, shorter kiss to the corner of Kurt’s mouth. “You’ve got to try the tiramisu here,” he informs Kurt, lacing their fingers together and leading them inside. “Best in the city, I swear.”  
Kurt falls in love with the place as soon as they sit down. The singer tucked away in a corner, the food, the atmosphere; the entire night is perfect. Blaine orders a piece of tiramisu for them to split, then insists on feeding bites of it to Kurt.   
“I think this is the best thing I’ve ever eaten,” Kurt moans after he swallows the first bite.  
“I told you,” Blaine says, a smile on his face. Kurt’s noticed that he gets the same smile every time Kurt likes something he has him try. “Are you a big dessert person?”  
“Depends on the dessert,” Kurt tells him, taking the fork from Blaine and feeding himself. “I’m a sucker for good cheesecake.”  
“Well,” Blaine starts, pausing as Kurt offers him a bite, “I know a bakery that happens to make a killer cheesecake. It’s in Jersey, though. We should go some weekend.”  
“That sounds great.” 

His first year of college, Kurt had drunkenly kissed a few different boys. He’d always found it awkward, too much spit and teeth, his head too fuzzy to properly enjoy it. Kissing Blaine, though, is something else entirely.   
Blaine usually pulls Kurt tightly against him when they kiss, his palm warm against Kurt’s cheek. The kisses never last too long, just long enough for Kurt’s heart to start to beat fast, his breath to speed up. When Blaine pulls away, he always has the same soft smile on his face. They don’t make out, though Kurt isn’t completely sure whether that fact is something that reassures or disappoints him. Blaine always kisses him at the beginning of a date, and at the end as they say goodnight. Sometimes, when they have dinner, Kurt will say something that makes Blaine throw his head back and laugh before leaning across the table and pressing a kiss to Kurt’s mouth. 

Kurt lets his fingers tangle into Blaine’s hair as Blaine sighs against his mouth.   
“One more kiss,” Kurt pouts when Blaine tries to pull away. He can feel Blaine smiling when leans into kiss him once more.   
“I really do need to go soon,” Blaine whispers apologetically, pressing his lips to the underside of Kurt’s jaw.   
“I know,” Kurt says, but his fingers tighten where they’re clenching Blaine’s coat. He kisses himself Blaine one last time before pulling away. “Try not to have a horrible time in Paris.”  
Blaine lets out a long-suffering sigh. “I don’t know how I’ll manage,” he says before smiling. “I’ll see you when I get back.”  
Kurt just nods and smiles. 

Going from seeing Blaine at least three times a week to not seeing him for a week and half is jarring to Kurt. He knows it’s pathetic, but he misses Blaine. He misses Blaine’s smile, misses kissing him, misses their calls before bed. We’re not even dating, he reminds himself multiple times.   
When Blaine finally gets back to New York and invites Kurt out to dinner, Kurt spends most of his subway ride reminding himself not to be too enthusiastic about seeing Blaine again; he doesn’t want to freak him out or come on too strong.   
All of his worrying seems to be for nothing; the moment Blaine lays eyes on him, he pulls Kurt in for a languid kiss, one that seems to last much longer than their kisses usually do.   
“I didn’t realize how often we see each other,” Blaine says almost sheepishly. Kurt quickly pulls him in for another kiss to stop himself from smiling like an idiot.   
After dinner, after Blaine has hailed Kurt a cab and kisses him slowly and sweetly, Kurt makes a snap decision.   
“Do you maybe want to come over?” he asks shyly. Rachel’s out for the night and he’s missed Blaine; he doesn’t want the night to be over.  
Blaine’s mouth forms a surprised little ‘o’, but it’s soon replaced by a smile. “I’d love to,” he says, ushering Kurt into the cab with a practiced eased and following behind him. The ride to Kurt’s apartment passes in a fog; the way Blaine keeps stroking his back distracts him.   
“It’s not much,” Kurt says, slightly self conscious, “But it’s home.”  
Blaine looks around the loft, smiling softly. “It’s very you,” he tells Kurt, pressing a kiss to the top of Kurt’s head. “I certainly didn’t live anywhere as tastefully decorated as this while I was still a student.”   
Kurt can’t help but let out a giggle at his assessment. Blaine turns towards him, still smiling. He kisses Kurt softly before whispering, “Thank you for inviting me back here.”  
“Can I get you something to drink?”  
“A glass of water would be great.”  
Kurt nods before gesturing to the sofa. “Make yourself comfortable.” He busies himself pouring two glasses of water, trying to calm his nerves. “Here you go,” he says setting the glasses down on the coffee table. “Um, movie? We could watch one?”  
“Sure,” Blaine says easily, taking a drink from the glass. Kurt ignores the way his throat moves as he swallows in favor of pulling up his Netflix and choosing a title at random once Blaine murmurs his assent. He sets the remote down and moves to sit, settling down in the armchair instead of the couch.  
“Hey,” Blaine calls softly, a pout on his face. “Don’t you want to sit next to me?”  
Kurt huffs out a nervous laugh before standing and moving to sit next to him. Blaine wraps an arm around one of Kurt’s shoulders and turns his attention back to the movie.   
A little while later, Kurt can feel Blaine’s gaze trained on his face. He turns his face and is met by Blaine moving in to kiss him. He feels torn as Blaine pulls him in close, licking into his mouth; Blaine’s mouth feels wonderful as it moves against Kurt’s but Kurt just….  
“I’m can’t have sex with you tonight,” he cries out frantically.  
Blaine pulls away quickly, a concerned expression on his face.   
“I-,” Kurt starts to say, but he can’t find an excuse. He buries his face into his hands, hoping that maybe Blaine will just leave without saying anything.  
The sound of Blaine laughing gently reaches Kurt’s ears the moment before he feels his hand come to rest on his shoulder. “Kurt? It’s okay,” he reassures him gently. “I, uh, kind of guessed from the way you chose to sit in the chair instead of sitting next to me.” Kurt lets out a low, embarrassed groan. “Can you look at me?” When Kurt reluctantly lifts his head, Blaine smiles and leans in to kiss his forehead. “Thank you. I appreciate you being honest about where your boundaries are. Do you feel comfortable maybe telling me a little bit more about where you are right now? Like, what you’re thinking? Because you made the jump from us kissing in a private place to needing to declare your thoughts about having sex pretty quickly.”  
“I’ve never been in a relationship, not really,” Kurt says, his mouth still feeling dry. “And I know that I’d need to be in one to have sex.”  
Blaine takes Kurt’s hand is in his own. “Can I just interrupt for a moment? I haven’t been seeing anybody else, casually or otherwise, for a while now, and certainly not after I met you. If it’s something you’re interested in, I’d like to be in a relationship with you. Officially, I mean, because I think we’ve kind of been in a relationship for a while.”  
Kurt can’t help but smile bashfully at Blaine’s admissions. “I’d like that, too.”  
Blaine cups Kurt’s jaw, kissing him softly. “Okay, now that that’s cleared up, please continue.   
“Oh. Well, I just, I want to have sex, to be able to have sexual relationships. But, I’m not ready to be intimate with you, or anyone, yet.”  
“That’s okay,” Blaine says gently. “You mean ‘intimate’ as in, having sex with me, right?”  
“Yes.”  
“Because you can have intimate relationships with people without having sex. Kissing is pretty intimate if you ask me.” Kurt must look skeptical because Blaine grins at him. “I know how your mouth tastes, Kurt. I’d say that’s pretty intimate.”  
Kurt’s face blushes bright red. “Yeah?”  
“Yeah. So, how do you feel about making out?”  
“I’m a big fan.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah.” Kurt leans in and kisses Blaine hard on the mouth. Blaine’s hands squeeze at Kurt’s waist before sliding around his back and pulling him in closer. They’re not laying down, Kurt’s back pressed against an arm rest once Blaine tugs him into his lap. Blaine’s mouth is warm and soft and Kurt just can’t get enough for it. He fists his hands into the fabric of Blaine’s shirt, weak moans slipping out of his mouth as he moves his lips against Blaine’s. When he feels Blaine’s tongue slide against his own, Kurt has to bite down on a gasp that threatens to escape and he realizes with a shock that he’s hard. He’s hard and in Blaine’s lap, and Blaine’s hands don’t try to move from where they’re holding Kurt close as he kisses him for dear life. Blaine bites down softly on Kurt’s bottom lip, and Kurt gasps into his mouth before pulling away suddenly. Blaine doesn’t ask if anything’s wrong, just lets Kurt rest his forehead against his chest and rubs his back until his harsh panting turns back into normal, relaxed breathing. Kurt lets out a happy hum when Blaine kisses the top of his head lightly.   
“So, intimacy,” he says weakly, smiling when it makes Blaine laugh.   
“Good? Bad?”  
“Good. Very, very good,” Kurt tells him, tilting his head back slightly in order to brush his lips against the underside of Blaine’s jaw.   
“Good,” Blaine repeats, amused.   
They focus their attention back on the movie, though neither one of them really pays too much attention to it; Kurt finds himself drifting off and Blaine is content to watch him struggle to stay awake. 

The next morning, Kurt wakes up alone on the couch. Sitting up, he picks up the note of the table.   
“Morning, I didn’t want to wake you once you fell asleep last night. As always, thank you for a wonderful evening. Call me to make dinner plans for later on this week? –Blaine”  
Kurt folds the note and sets it back down, a sleepy smile forming on his face. Yawning, he lets himself lay back down, burrowing himself under the light blanket that usually hangs over the back of the couch and wonders if Blaine is free that evening.


	2. Chapter 2

 

 

            It’s unseasonably warm, and Kurt takes advantage of it by convincing Blaine to take a walk through the park with him after dinner.

            “Please tell me you don’t make a habit out of walking through park alone at night,” Blaine says with concern as they pass by two drunk men brawling.

            “Of course not,” Kurt assures him. “I usually make my other boyfriend accompany me.”

            Blaine turns to him and grins, and Kurt is once again relieved and thankful that he has a boyfriend he feels comfortable teasing like that.

            “Is that so?” Blaine murmurs against Kurt’s mouth, kissing him lightly.

            Kurt bites back a smile and takes Blaine’s hand into his own. Blaine pulls their hands up to his face, brushing his lips against the back of Kurt’s hand and allows himself to be tugged along.

            “I’m so glad I found you,” Kurt says quietly. Blaine’s whole expression softens as he gazes at Kurt. He kisses Kurt, his hands finding the boy’s hips and pulling him in close. Kurt grabs onto Blaine’s arms as he lets himself be kissed letting out a small whine when Blaine finally pulls away.

            “Rachel’s home,” he tells Blaine apologetically. “But she’s going out of town for a wedding tomorrow. You should come over; I’ll cook you dinner and we can have a quiet night in?”

            Blaine presses a kiss to Kurt’s cheek, humming happily. “That sound’s perfect. Should I bring dessert? Maybe some wine?”

            “Sure,” Kurt agrees before pulling him in for another kiss.

 

            Blaine shows up early the next evening, a bottle of wine and a bakery box in tow. “These are for you,” he says, handing Kurt a bouquet of roses before kissing him softly on the mouth.

            Kurt thanks him as he leads him over to the kitchen. “Dinner is just about ready,” he says, pulling out a vase to put the flowers in.

            “It smells great,” Blaine compliments, brushing a kiss against Kurt’s temple before moving to uncork the bottle of wine and pouring them each a glass.

            Neither one of them is particularly compelled to keep a conversation going while they eat. It could be awkward- Kurt’s sat through too many uncomfortably silent dinners to think differently- but it’s not. Blaine compliments his cooking, and they both offer up comments here and there, so it’s not completely silent. Kurt thinks it’s nice, sharing a meal with Blaine without having to worry about filling the space between words. _Intimate_ , he thinks to himself, Blaine’s foot resting against his own, and the warm smiles he gives Kurt.  

            Blaine offers to help Kurt clean up after they finish dessert, but Kurt just shoos him away, instructing him to choose something to watch. As Kurt loads the dishwasher, he listens to Blaine shuffle through his DVD collection and hum softly to himself.

            “I thought we could go for some _Friends_?” Blaine offers as Kurt settles down next to him.

            Kurt doesn’t waste much time actually watching the show before curling up against Blaine’s side, tilting his head up, silently asking for a kiss. Blaine cups Kurt’s chin in his hand, his fingers warm against Kurt’s skin, before pressing their lips together. Kurt lets his hands fist in the fabric of Blaine’s shirt, pulling Blaine tight against his chest. Blaine’s arms tighten around his waist, holding Kurt close as he deepens the kiss. He lets his lips part, lets Blaine lick his way into his mouth.

            A soft sigh escapes Kurt’s mouth, followed by a louder whine when Blaine pulls away slightly. He flashes a reassuring smile at Kurt before leaning in to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

            “Blaine,” Kurt breathes out shakily. He presses another kiss to the corner of Kurt’s mouth, trailing his lips down to Kurt’s neck. Kurt lets his eyes float shut as Blaine’s mouth works against his throat, biting gently at his collarbone. He can feel himself get hard in his pants, and can’t help but let out a low moan as his lets his hips grind down against Blaine. “God, Blaine,” he whines.

            “Tell me,” Blaine says, voice low, “Tell me when it gets to be too much.” Kurt can feel his fingers digging into his hips, the slight pinch making his gasp into Blaine’s mouth.

            “Not enough,” he manages to choke out, laying himself down, his back resting flat against the cushions and pulling Blaine on top of him. His weight presses him further into the cushions and he can feel Blaine hard against him, and he feels almost dizzy from the sensation. Blaine licks his way into his mouth again, and Kurt lets his legs wrap around his. Blaine nips lightly at his lower lip, and he lets his hips rise off the couch, rubbing against him.

            “Okay?” Blaine asks. When Kurt whines in approval, Blaine kisses him hard. Kurt ruts up against him, pleased when Blaine moves against him.

            Kurt’s breath is coming in harsh pants, and he thinks to himself that if they don’t stop soon, he’s going to come in his pants. Part of him wants to keep going, but another part of him hesitates; it feels as though having an orgasm with another person is crossing an irreversible threshold and he’s not sure if he’s ready. Before he makes a decision either way, however, his cellphone starts ringing loudly.

            Kurt jolts at the unexpected noise before reaching for it, murmuring a soft apology to Blaine. Blaine just smiles before sitting up and picking up his wine glass.

            “Kurt! Sorry to interrupt you,” Rachel tells him once he picks up. “But I need a favor. Can you water my fern? I forgot to do it before I left.”

            He rolls his eyes; Rachel forgets to water the potted plant in her room more often than not and he often wonders how the thing is still living. “Will do,” Kurt tells her.

            Rachel thanks him before launching into a rant about her trip. He only half listens; distracted by the happy smile still on Blaine’s face as he slowly drains his wine glass and watches Kurt. “Rach,” he interrupts her after a few moments. “I’m kind of busy right now.”

            “Busy with what? I know you’re not doing work this late,” she argues and Kurt can hear the frown in her voice.

            “I’m in the middle of something,” he says, not really sure how to explain. “You know…just, _things._ ”

            There’s a heavy pause and Kurt feels himself blush.

            “Is there…Do you have a _boy_ over?” Rachel asks, sounding both overjoyed and scandalous.

            “I’ll make sure to water your fern. See you when you get home,” he tells her, before hanging up quickly. “Sorry about that,” he says, turning towards Blaine.

            “It’s okay,” Blaine reassures him. Kurt leans in to kiss him softly, pulling back when Blaine tries to deepen it.

            “More wine?” he offers, standing up and picking up their glasses. Blaine nods his agreement and Kurt rushes over to the kitchen. He takes his time refilling their glasses, taking deep breaths and calming himself down.

            “Hey,” Blaine says softly when he returns, tugging Kurt down into his lap gently. “Relax,” he whispers, his breath tickling Kurt’s ear. “I’m sensing you’ve moved from being a little nervous to being slightly afraid?” Kurt nods against Blaine’s chest, trying not to be embarrassed. “It’s okay.”

            “I’m sorry,” Kurt says, voice muffled by Blaine’s shirt.

            “Hey, no, don’t be sorry,” Blaine tells him, shifting so that he meets Kurt’s eye. “It’s easy to get lost in the moment, I get it. But we definitely aren’t going to do anything that you don’t want us to, and especially not if you’re afraid. Okay?”

            “Okay,” Kurt agrees.

            Blaine’s lips brush against his temple, and Kurt finds the contact reassuring.

            They sit there like that for a while, watching TV and sharing kisses.

            “It’s getting late,” Blaine says after Kurt tries to stifle yet another yawn. “I should probably get going.”

            Kurt walks him over to the door, trying to stall their goodnights. “If you’re not busy, we could do brunch tomorrow?” he asks, toying with the buttons on Blaine’s coat.

            “Sounds wonderful,” Blaine agrees, leaning in to kiss him goodnight. Kurt closes his eyes tightly, trying memorize the warm, slightly damp pressure of Blaine’s mouth against his own. “Don’t forget to water Rachel’s fern,” he reminds him, a teasing lilt in his voice.

            “Of course not,” Kurt says, closing the door gently behind Blaine so that he doesn’t watch him head down the hall towards the elevator.

 

-

            _Rachel takes small bite of her French toast before she speaks. “It didn’t go well,” she admits, before sipping her orange juice. “He was too pushy.”_

_Kurt nods slowly before he allows himself to ask. “What do you mean, too pushy?”_

_“Oh, you know, acting like hooking up has to be all or nothing. There’s nothing wrong with taking things step by step, right?” She huffs out, frustrated._

_He thinks about her words as he chews a strawberry, wondering if they’re true. Thinking back to his own dating experience, he’s never even let himself get far enough that limits were discussed._

_“I just…I really miss Finn,” she says finally, tears welling up in her eyes. “Everything was just so easy with him, I never had to wonder. I just knew when it was right.”_

_“I’m sorry,” he says gently. He means it, too; their breakup had been messy and both of them had been left with unresolved feelings._

_Rachel nods, wiping away a tear. “It’s okay,” she mumbles to herself. “It’s okay,” she repeats a beat later, a forced smile of her face. “I’m talented and single, we’re both talented and single. The single fellas of New York are going to be falling at our feet soon enough, Kurt.”_

_Kurt smiles at her and squeezes her hand. “Of course they will, Rachel.”_

_She blinks up at him before laughing. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m right. Epic romance awaits up, I can tell.”_

_-_

It starts to snow as they leave the theater, dainty white flakes drifting from the sky. Blaine starts to hail a cab for Kurt, leaning over to press a kiss against Kurt’s mouth as one pulls up to the sidewalk.

“I have the place to myself for the evening, care to come back with me?” he asks as Blaine opens the door for him.

“I’d love to,” Blaine says, sliding into the car after him. 

Kurt gives the driver his address, letting himself curl up against Blaine. Blaine grins at him, dropping a chaste kiss onto his forehead.

“What did you think of the second act?” he asks, taking Kurt’s hand into his own. They chat in hushed tones as they make their way to Kurt’s, sharing the occasional kiss.

By the time Kurt unlocks the door, their kisses have become longer, deeper. He leads Blaine over to the couch, lets himself be tugged down into his lap as Blaine licks his way into his mouth.

Blaine’s hands find their way underneath the fabric of Kurt’s shirt, his fingers ghosting up Kurt’s ribs; this isn’t new, touching above the waist. The way Blaine touches him always makes his heart race, makes him press even closer to him.

“Blaine,” Kurt whines, letting himself grind down into Blaine’s lap. “Want you to touch me. Touch me, _please._ ”

“Thought I was touching you,” Blaine mumbles against Kurt’s lips, forcing him to groan in frustration.

“Want you, Blaine, want you so bad. Want to feel you touch me,” he repeats, rolling his hips against Blaine’s. Blaine’s hard, they both are, and Kurt _needs_ Blaine’s hands on him.

He barely hears Blaine moan his name, too distracted by the man’s fingers working his pants open. Kurt’s breathing catches as Blaine’s fingers wrap around him, stroking.

Blaine keeps kissing him, the pressure of his lips against his own ressuring. He kisses back as best he can, his movements getting steadily more clumsy as he feels hiself getting closer. It’s almost too much, Blaine groaning into his mouth, his cock hard against Kurt’s hip, his hand jerking him off.

“Blaine,” he whines out, his hips stuttering before he moans out, coming over Blaine’s fist.

“Fuck,” Blaine groans, one hand gripping the back of Kurt’s head and kissing him hard, the other pulling himself out of his pants.  His fingers brush up against Kurt’s stomach as he strokes himself, and Kurt absetmindedly wonders if the soft tickles are supposed to feel as sexual as they do. He lets Blaine’s kiss him, much to out of breath to do more than kiss back weakly, and before long, Blaine lets out a low moan as he comes.

After a moment, Kurt lets himself slide off of Blaine, his legs still splayed over the man’s lap. The light of the room seems to bright for the intimacy of what they’ve just done, and he slings his arm over his eyes.

He startles a bit when he feels Blaine’s mouth brush against his own, but he smiles anyway before kissing him back.

“Hey,” he murmurs, peeking up at him. “What?” he asks when he notices the soft, amused smile on his face.

Blaine smiles wider. “I just…I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look as gorgeous as you do now, love. Relaxed and unhibited.”

Kurt flounders for a moment, not sure how to respond, before deciding to just pull him down for another kiss.  

 

-

_He’s never been able to get off on porn, he knows this. Even back in highschool, trying to watch those movies only resulting in his face burning red in secondhand embarrassment. Now that he’s accepted that he has a type, he wonders if he shouldn’t give it another try._

_Once he hears the light snores coming from behind the curtain to Rachel’s room, he opens up a private browsing window. A quick Google search brings him to a website, and as Kurt glances at the thumbnails, his stomach twists hotly._

_‘Daddies,” he thinks to himself, clicking onto one of the links. He gives it a minute or two for it to load, then hits play._

_The older man is dressed in a suit, Kurt rolling his eyes at the ill fit of it before reminding himself that wardrobe departments aren’t usually an important aspect of the adult film industry. He’s attractive enough, Kurt notices._

_The other man, the younger one, slinks over to him ; he’s tanner than Kurt is, his skin has an oily sheen to it. He drops to his knees infront of the older man, opening up his mouth as the man bends down to kiss him._

            _Kurt palms his crotch, his cock slowly hardening, as he watches them kiss. He slips his hand inside his sweatpants as he watches the older man unzip his pants and pulls out his cock. The boy drops his jaw, taking the head of into his mouth and…._

_He closes the window as quickly as he can, the image of the olderman thrusting roughly into the boys mouth making his stomach turn unpleasantly. He doesn’t- he doesn’t want that, the rough, dominating touch of another man. He just wants guidance, a caring hand to lead him._

_Sighing quietly, he sets his laptop onto his nightstand._

_-_

Kurt doesn’t plan for it to happen; when he gets dresses for his date with Blaine, blowjobs don’t even cross his mind.

            That doesn’t change the present, though, which finds Kurt pushing Blaine onto the armchair in the living room, tugging his pants down. He settles onto his knees infront of the man.

            “I want to blow you,” he says, surprised by the lack of nerves or embarrassment in his voice. “I want to blow you, I want you to tell me how, and then I,” he pauses, swallowing against the mental image of what he’s about ask for, “I want you to do it to me.”

“Oh, Kurt, have you ever,” Blaine starts before cutting himself off. “Do you want me to do it for you first? I don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to do it for me.”

            Kurt shakes his head. “No, I really, really want to do this.”

            Blaine smiles. “God, yes.”

            When he first takes Blaine into his mouth, his movements are cautious. The weight of Blaine’s cock against his jaw is new, not necessarily unpleasant, but definitely something that he can tell will take time to get used to. He lets his tongue travel up his length, licking at the head before taking him in deeper. Blaine’s hands run across his shoulders restlessly, occasionally cupping his cheeks, as he murmurs words of encouragement and praise.

            “I’m going to come, Kurt,” he manages to warn, but Kurt ignores him, trying to swallow, and mostly succeeding. He can feel a bit of it leaking out of the corner of his mouth, but before he can wipe it away, Blaine’s kissing it away and pushing him onto his back.

           

            Kurt buries his fingers into Blaine’s hair, back arching against the hardwood floor as he comes.

 

-

 

            It’s been a bad day, Kurt complains to himself, wiping the rain out of his eyes with the palm of his hand. A bad, rainy, busy day, and he’s found himself running ten minutes late for everything he’s had to do.

            He finally reaches the restaurant where he’s supposed to meet Blaine. He shakes himself off as he enters, immediately spotting Blaine sitting at a table tucked away in the corner.  Blaine looks up and sees him, a concerned smile spreading across his face as he stands and makes his way towards him.

            Blaine presses a kiss to his jaw before turning to the hostess, handing her a bill or two as he says something to her in a hushed tone.

            “Come on,” Blaine says, hand coming to rest on the small of Kurt’s back. “We need to get you out of those wet clothes.”

            Kurt just stands there as Blaine wraps him up in his own coat. He allows himself to take in the way the fabric smells like Blaine’s cologne before protesting. “Rachel’s home,” he says.

            Blaine hesitates. “I know you don’t want me to meet her yet, so the way I see it, we have two options. I can bring you home, and we can reschedule.” Kurt shakes his head at the suggestion; he knows Blaine has a business trip coming up and he _really_ doesn’t want to wait a week before getting to spend an evening with his boyfriend. “Or, we can go to my place.  You can change into some of my clothes, and we can order delivery.”

            Despite the months they’ve been together, Kurt still hasn’t been to Blaine’s apartment. It’s not that he’s been avoiding it, not really, but he’ll admit that he does feel more in control when they go back to his own apartment. As he takes a moment to think, his waterlogged clothes seem to grow even heavier, and he finds himself saying, “Let’s go back to yours.”

           

            Blaine’s lives in a tastefully decorated townhouse in Manhattan, and despite the fact that this is Kurt’s first visit, he immediately feels at home.

            “Let’s get you into something warm, huh?” Blaine says, leading him to the bedroom.

            Kurt looks around the room, curious. “I like your color scheme.”

            “Thanks. There are sweats and the like in the dresser, and you’re more than welcome to poke around in the closet. I’ll go order something for us? Italian okay?”

            Kurt agrees, watching as Blaine retreats. He strips off his wet clothes slowly.

            “Hey,” Blaine breaks into his thoughts from the doorway. “I didn’t know how wet you’d be, so I brought you a towel.” Kurt thanks him, taking it from him to dry his hair with. Blaine lets out a little laugh, and when Kurt raises an eyebrow at him, he explains. “You, uh, you left your socks on.”

            He glances down, and sure enough, he’s still wearing his socks. “Oh.”

            “Sit,” Blaine says, gently pushing him down onto the bed. Kurt watches as Blaine pulls the damp socks off his feet, pressing a soft kiss to the arch of his foot before standing. “There we go. I’m going to go take care of whatever can be machine washed while you get dressed, and I can drop off the dry clean only stuff with my things tomorrow.”

            Kurt feels a little bit silly, sitting there on Blaine’s bed dressed only in his underwear, but at the same time, it feels _right_ to him to be half naked in his boyfriend’s room.

            “Do you need help finding something to wear?” Blaine asks when he returns.

            “How long we have until the delivery guy gets here?” Kurt asks, shaking his head.

            “About 45 minutes,” Blaine answers. “They’re having a busy night, I think.”

            Kurt smiles, reclining back against the mattress. “Good, that means we have time. Come over here, I’m getting lonely.”  

            The mattress dips as Blaine climbs on top of Kurt. “Mr. Hummel, why do I feel as though your plotting something?” he asks, grinning.

            Kurt ignores the question. “Just kiss me.”

            It’s a bit awkward at first, making out with Blaine when he’s nearly undressed and Blaine isn’t, but Kurt warms up to it soon enough. Blaine bites down gently onto Kurt’s lip, and Kurt’s hips rise, searching for friction. Kurt permits his hands to travel down Blaine’s back, settling on his and pulling his hips down flush against Kurt’s own.

            “You should take your shirt off,” he mumble’s against Blaine’s mouth, fingers dancing underneath the fabric.

            Fortunately, Blaine obliges the request, pulling his shirt off over his head and letting it fall to the floor. He leans in, kissing Kurt deeply, letting his hips rock against the boy’s more purposely. Kurt hooks his thumbs into the waistband, struggling to shove them off. Blaine must realize his attempts, because he lifts his hips, allowing Kurt to unbutton his pants and push them down his thighs.

            “Wanna feel you,” Kurt whispers, pressing their hips together. They haven’t done this, choosing handjobs and blowjobs over frottage, but Kurt likes it; he likes that not only are they getting each other off, but they’re getting off _together._

Blaine kisses his neck, groaning against his skin, as they rock against one another. Kurt lets himself get lost in it, catching himself off guard as he comes. He whines even louder when Blaine finishes, his cock pulsing against his own softening one.

            Kurt giggles after a brief pause. Blaine’s head shoots upwards, a confused look on his face. “I just realized I’m going to have to borrow a pair of your underwear,” he explains, and then they both start laughing.

 

-

 

_The first time Rachel has an adult sleepover, Kurt doesn’t realize until the morning after when he stumbles upon a naked Brody coming out of the bedroom._

_He nurses his coffee as he watches the two of the cook breakfast together (luckily after Brody puts a pair of pants on). He notices the fleeting touches they share as the orbit around one another. It strikes him that there’s a certain level of intimacy needed to spend the night with someone, and it surprises him that Rachel and Brody are already there._

_He wonders if he’ll ever cook breakfast with someone else, if some faceless man will dance around him as he flips pancakes. Kurt closes his eyes, trying to picture it._

_He can’t._

-

 

            They don’t spend the night together often. But every once in a while Kurt will pout when Blaine goes to leave, asking for him to stay the night. They always stay at Kurt’s place; he doesn’t feel like dealing with Rachel’s questions when she finds out he spent the night in someone else’s bed. Similarly, when Blaine does stay over, he wakes early, needing enough time to go home and change before work. Fortunately, his early rising time means he gets to avoid Rachel.

 

            Kurt blinks slowly awake, frowning when he realizes Blaine’s no longer in bed with him. He catches sight of his cardigan by the bed, though, and that makes him smile. Stretching out, he figures that his boyfriend must be in the bathroom.

            There’s a quiet banging noise coming from the kitchen, and Kurt wonders absentmindedly what Rachel must be cooking. He sits up abruptly once he hears voices, Blaine’s voice hushed as he answers a question asked by Rachel.

            He hurriedly pulls his bathrobe on before rushing to the kitchen. Blaine and Rachel are chatting amicably, Rachel pouring a cup of tea as Blaine stirs something in a large mixing bowl.

            “Oh, you’re awake!” Rachel says happily when she notices him standing there. “Blaine and I were just getting to know each other a bit.”

            Blaine mouths a silent apology over her shoulder. “I didn’t think you’d still be here,” Kurt tells him, not quite sure what to do.

            “I was going to make you breakfast,” Blaine tells him. “I figured that it’s the weekend and neither one of us had anywhere to be….” He trails off, kissing Kurt on the cheek. “I didn’t realize she was home,” he whispers quietly into Kurt’s ear.

            “It’s okay,” Kurt tells him, meaning it. He heads to the counter, pouring himself a cup of coffee. “What are you making me?” he calls over his shoulder.

            “French toast,” Blaine says, moving in close behind him and brushing a kiss to the back of his neck. “Rachel was telling me about a new gallery showing in SoHo that sounds pretty interesting, do you think go check it out later?” he asks, moving back over towards the stove. “And maybe after I could bring you guys to the Thai place I’ve been telling you about? They have a pretty decent vegan selection, too.”

            It makes Kurt unspeakably happy that Blaine would be content to hang out with him and his roommate. Rachel, glancing at Blaine to make sure he’s not watching, gives Kurt a quick two thumbs up, a delighted smile on her face. Kurt grins, settling down at the table to watch his boyfriend make breakfast.

 

-

 

            His decision to surprise Blaine during his lunch break is made on whim. He knows that Blaine’s having a busy week, finalizing a project and gearing up for another trip out of town for a project pitch, and Kurt’s been missing him.

            He spots Blaine coming out of his office building and quickens his pace to catch up to him. His steps falter when he notices Blaine walking with another man, bodies closer together than is customary. Kurt gives the man a quick once over, taking in his blonde hair, the way his pants cling to the curve of his ass, his full lips.

            A few short months ago, Kurt would have assumed that Blaine was cheating on him; thankfully, Kurt’s grown a bit wiser since he’s started dating Blaine.

            “Blaine!” he calls out, dodging around a passerby. Blaine turns, his face breaking into a wide grin when he spots Kurt standing on the sidewalk.

            “Kurt!” he says happily, leaning in and kissing him soundly on the mouth. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

            “I thought maybe we could grab lunch together,” Kurt explains with a shrug.

            “Sounds wonderful,” Blaine tells him, kissing him again. “I have a few things to discuss with Sam about this upcoming contract, but come with us?”

            Kurt nods, letting Blaine introduce him to his coworker and leading him to a quiet bistro a block away.

 

-

 

            _Kurt should have known that something was up as soon his father handed him a plate of toast- the crusts cut off, the way he used to like it when he was a child._

_“I don’t know much of what sex is like for gay teens,” Burt tells him, face as red as Kurt assumes his own is. “And that’s what the pamphlets are for, you know, the, uh, logistics of it all.” He slides them across the table, and Kurt can’t even look down at them without feeling like he’s going to die from embarrassment. He only half hears most of his father’s words, but he pays more attention once he realizes his speech is winding down._

_“Just, don’t treat yourself like you don’t matter. Because you do, Kurt. You matter.”_

_Kurt thanks his father as he gathers the pamphlets from the table. “I’m going to bring these upstairs and give them a look,” he promises, even though he knows he’s going to bury them deep inside his closet and hope they get lost forever._

_-_

 

            There are a lot of ways that Kurt’s imagined having sex for the first time, but nothing compares to this.

            He accompanies Blaine back to his house after a night out, planning on spending the evening. As has come to be customary, the wind up in Blaine’s bedroom, sprawled out across the bed as the kiss.

            “Are you sure?” Blaine asks once more.

            Kurt nods, dragging him closer in order to kiss him. “I want this- I want _you,_ ” he reassures him.

            Blaine brushes his lips against Kurt’s jaw as he uncaps the lube, slicking up his fingers. Kurt’s breath hitches as the tip of Blaine’s finger circles his asshole before slipping inside.

            The stretch takes some getting used to, but Blaine kisses him through the worst of it, and before Kurt realizes it, his body is yielding to Blaine’s own.

            When Blaine pushes inside of him, Kurt’s caught off guard by his emotions. Blaine’s _inside_ of him, and it feels so good, and Kurt thinks that nothing, _nothing,_ could ever be more intimate than this.

            “You’re crying,” Blaine points out softly, kissing away the tears.

            “I know,” he says, voice rough. “It’s good, I promise. It just, I just, I feel so _loved._ ” Kurt’s not sure what proper sexual etiquette dictates, if he’s allowed to freely admit his feelings like he’s done, but once he’d thought the words, he’d been helpless to hold them.

            “You are,” Blaine tells him, his lips brushing against Kurt’s own. “You are.”

            Kurt whines as Blaine moves just so inside of him and wraps his arms even tighter around his shoulders, letting himself be swept away by the feeling of it all.  


End file.
